Getting To Know Yourself

Some days ago I was talking to my friend Kester. The mention of blog inspiration came up and she shared a set of questions with me found on ProlificLiving. They posted 29 questions that are directed at you as a person and your place in life. I decided to try and answer them.

  1. What activity in your life lights you up with joy?

I’m going to be very obvious with this, but I will say writing. Even on my bad days, if I can manage to write a little (even a blogpost I don’t end up publishing or such) I feel calmer inside and I am more able to feel happy. It is simply my passion.

  1. What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?

Listening to music is usually what helps me and I can do it when I’m tired or emotional or anything. This is why I often take my music player with me when I go out for a long trip. I listen to it too before I sleep.

  1. If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?

I can’t say this about a job. I have never had one. But I’ve had unhappy relationships. If they were unable to be fixed, I simply left. I will not chase something that isn’t meant to be.

  1. What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?

Overthinking past decisions is something I often do. Change can be scary. If you leave a relationship, you can feel that you are unloved or that you made a mistake. These things I can fear. Facing the world alone after you’ve been with someone can be a tough new challenge.

  1. What do you believe is possible for you?

Probably study, get a job and a house. Then hopefully live the domestic lifestyle, too. Some of these require a bit more work than others, but I think I can do it if I try. Besdes these (obvious?) things, I also dream of publishing some of my fantasy work.

  1. What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?

Contrary to what people that know me might expect, I think my actual greatest achievement is moving out, getting out on my own. I love the independent life and being able to live it gives me great fulfillment.

  1. What is the thing that you are second most proud of?

In second place comes my published novel known as ‘Blind vertrouwen’ (Dutch for; blind trust). As stated above, I want to publish more; in English. So if that is achieved, I’m sure those achievements will climb above the current number one and two.

  1. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

Hmm. This is a tough one. I think my answer would be that I want to prove to other people (normal people) that someone like me can also achieve things in this world. Here I’m referencing the fact that I’m disabled. I want to make people see that we aren’t helpless and incapable. I certainly am not.

  1. How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?

I’d like to think; little by little. I try to be kind towards people around me. They say a kind word can change a person’s day or even their life for the better. I hope that there will be at least one person that I made smile or feel better by me speaking to them.

  1. If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?

Not world peace. That is sociologically impossible in current society. The future will have to tell. No, my actual wish would be not for a completely peaceful world, but for a gentler world. People would think twice about judging another person. They’d feel more inclined to help a person in need. People would give more and demand less. That’s what I want.

  1. How comfortable are you with your own mortality?

I have found a good amount of peace with it. I’m not afraid of dying. I know we all die at one point or another. It’s a natural part of life. This, of course, doesn’t mean that I’d go looking for it or wouldn’t fight to preserve my life if I was injured or sick. Life is bliss, yes, but it too will end.

  1. What is your highest core value?

I thought about this one a lot. My initial answer was honesty. But after I thought about this for a while, I want to change my answer to kindness. I think it is impossible to demand honesty where there isn’t the emotional space for someone to be this. I think if you’re kind, you can expect others to be open with you. What is life without kindness?

  1. To your best knowledge, how do other people perceive you?

I think they see me as happy, positive, creative, kind, confident or over-confident, responsible, independent, curious and approachable. Perhaps to some I might also seem a bit overwhelming or too proud.

  1. How would you like others to perceive you?

I want them to see me as a source of happiness and positivity that they can come to. I want to someone they can talk to and trust. I want to be recognized for a warm and gentle heart that is willing to help others and provide them with comfort. I want my person and my ambitions to be taken seriously.

  1. How confident are you in your abilities to make decisions for yourself?

Fairly confident. I overthink this often and often I look to others for a push. I want them to confirm that what I want to pursue is right for me. I want to be believed in, in that way.

  1. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?

I think this is the idea that I could be rejected for the fact that I’m disabled. This makes it hard for me to open up or approach other people. But even after that, I think I might be rejected for my beliefs. Though I know many of my friends and other loved ones have been indifferent towards what I believe in that it did not change how they felt about me. I’m lucky to have such people in my life, but I’ve also seen the other end of the coin. The only consolation I have for those times is that if they don’t accept me, then they aren’t worth my time and energy.

  1. Who is the most important person in your life?

It’s impossible for me to name one person who is the most important to me. When I’m asked who are dear to me, my instant answer is my two brothers and after that I mention my mom and dad. It’s simple as that. They matter more to me than anyone else.

  1. Who is your greatest role model?

Once again I’m going to say my parents are. They have both become successful adults; chasing dreams and achieving them. They are also financially successful and they raised three kids and showed them around the world. I think that’s something worth admiring.

  1. Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with?

Actual dislike is not the issue here. I think the ability to relate to this person has faded and that is what makes it difficult for me to interact with him. I feel like I have grown more than he has since our teen years. That is why I spend my time and energy on other things than he does. I no longer enjoy what we used to enjoy, while he still does.

  1. What is something that is true for you no matter what?

My life motto is; “Everything will be okay in the end.” If I’m dealing with something difficult, I tell myself that things will turn out fine in the end. They always do.

  1. What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?

It depends a bit on the context. I think about the decisions a lot; weighing the options. But often times, the final decision is made using my gut instinct. What feels the best to me is what I end up going with. But I think that I can make these decisions, thanks to having looked into the options/possibilities more closely. Without the information, I find it difficult to make an assumption. It makes my intuition unsure as well.

  1. What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

This question had me thinking a lot and I still came up blank. This is not because I’m a perfect human being who lived a life without failure or flaws. That’s certainly not the case. I doubt I would’ve liked such a life. There’s no happiness without sadness, after all. But the reason why I find it hard to point out actual failures is because I look at them as lessons and never as actual failures. So maybe if you ask me what my greatest lesson was, I might have an answer, but that too is tricky. I see the compilation of events as lessons. It is not about the singularity.

  1. What role does gratitude play in your life?

It’s a big thing to me. I give it out frequently. I recall when someone was confused when I thanked them for a compliment. They said that wasn’t needed. I think I’ve been raised to be a polite person and thus I will thank someone for saying or doing something I appreciate. Besides that, I enjoy receiving it; especially if it is for little things I did not know I was doing. This morning I called my friend and she thanked me for listening to her and helping her calm down by just being there and being my silly and kind self. She said it multiple times, even though I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than calling her to comfort her at that time.

  1. How do you feel about your parents?

As stated above, I am very close to them. I admire them and appreciate them whenever I’m around them. I’m not saying they are perfect and did everything exactly right while raising my brothers and I, but they gave it their best shot. They made sure I felt loved and safe around them. That’s what matters more than anything.

  1. How is your relationship with money?

I am not too troubled by money. I wrote about it before. That post mainly explains how I feel about money.

  1. How do you feel about growing old someday?

My mother once stated, “Everyone wants to grow old but no one wants to be old.” I think that sums up how I feel. I’d feel mostly troubled about being faced with losing my loved ones to death, as well as losing independence due to my own age. Other than that, I have no concerns.

  1. What role has formal education played in your life and how do you feel about it?

As some of you may know, I enjoy learning and studying. I am currently preparing to go to university (again). My dad often told me to keep learning as much as I could. He sees it as the key to be able to earn money and become successful. I don’t mind trying to study a lot. It’s on my to-do list anyways.

  1. Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?

I don’t have a black or whit answer to this. But my beliefs center around a good amount of destiny. Certain lessons are placed on your path throughout your life. If you decide to not learn the lesson and avoid it, you will be presented with it again and again until you learn it. When you do, a new lesson will come to you. This is how you grow.

  1. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

If only I knew… Still to this day, I’m looking for my life’s calling. Maybe I’ll never learn exactly what my own life should entail. If anything, I will have learned from my time here on this speck of dust in the universe.

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