The Story That Might Start It All

Earlier tonight, I read a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers. He seems to know what he’s talking about and he talks about said things with a lot of decency and respect, which I appreciate since it seems so rare (many people just seem to spew words onto the internet without a care).

Although it was not the moral of the particular post, what I remember most from it is that series are not the way to start for ‘entering writers’. Trying to make a name for yourself with a series is unlikely since readers might not want to commit to you. I don’t completely understand that myself since I have picked up a series now and then from people who were then starting writers (granted they were successful afterwards).

Yet the rational side of me understands. The world is abundant with books and movies and other sources of entertainment and material to read. Why would a reader sit down and read three or four of your books? Or why would they attempt to read one by someone they do not know and risk not enjoying it? Or, perhaps they are not willing to pick it up at all since they are not sure of your writing? Perhaps they are not ready to be loyal and wait for that next book to arrive. Perhaps all of the above occur. I can understand.

In conclusion to that post, I made a decision which later I retracted. I tried to write about that decision and it hurt my heart to its depths so I could not commit to it.

I had decided to put Nivitera’s Promise on hold so I could write a novel on its own first so I could try to make a name using that novel. But I could not do that to my own beating heart and I also decided that I would be an enormous phony in doing so.

Why step away from a project that has my heart to come up with something that does not have a single emotion? Why subtract my attention from something that haunts my mind every day? Why abandon, even if for a while, characters that yearn to be heard and to be experienced? Why give all that up to write something I don’t truly want to write? Why write if my heart isn’t in it? A reader would be able to tell, even if I ended up enjoying that story, that I am only using it to find an audience.

So instead I am back where I started but with new-found motivation hat I had lost last month. Nivitera’s Promise is my greatest love; my darling, my dearest. And until it is fully on paper and to my satisfaction, it will not be left alone. And even when written, I will fight for it to earn a place on shelves across the English-speaking nations so it finds its way into the hands of those who it will make smile, laugh and perhaps cry.

This is a story I believe in. This is a story I love. This is a story that has my heart; completely. This is a story that is as close to me as my every other thought. This story is apart of my own beating heart. This is a story that I feel is worth writing. This is a story worth fighting for and thus that is what I will do. Perhaps one day, I can be one of those people who says, “I was told not to start off with a series, but look at me now!” Perhaps it’ll make my dreams come true by being my dreams itself.

May destiny be kind to you.

PS: For any fellow fantasy writers, I highly suggest checking out the blog mentioned; Fantasy Author’s Handbook.

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Our Faith: Energies

During April of this year, I wrote a post about our faith; something that I, my friend and many others believe. In that post, I described four principles that we try to live by. They pertain to kindness, gentleness, honesty and openness. These should lead to a prosperous and successful life. In this post however, I want to talk about the three energies that we believe people have.

Physical energy

The physical energy is the most obvious one. It is observable in everything you do. As I write, I am using energy to drive my fingers on this keyboard. You are moving your eyes while reading this and your brain is processing it. While this is happening, many processes in your body are at work without you even paying them any heed. These processes use, maintain and produce physical energy with which you can continue doing whatever you fancy doing.

Mental energy

The mental energy is the energy of our thoughts. Science is beginning to understand the power of our minds already and I am sure they are only scratching the surface of how incredibly powerful our brains truly are.

In our faith (and some others as well as in some scientific theories) it is believed that the mind has powers greater than the sum of its parts. It can utilize the law of attraction (pulling to you that which you think of), an ability to transfer energies (transfer motivation, inspiration or positive energy to other persons through visualization), influence our own state (obtain calm through meditation) as well as consciously channel other energies such as that of the soul and the spirit. Besides this, of course, the brain thinks.

Granted, many of these things are reserved for humans, but animals have brains too and they might be able to subconsciously perform some of these acts as well. In the mean time, plants too are able to think albeit differently than we do. Flora has a set of cells that exchange information to decide whether a certain process should be started (such as sprouting from the ground while still a seed). It does this by investigating the environment and then exchanging the information among these cells. I think that is incredible.

(I should probably have looked for the source where I found this. I might do this at a later time if I can be bothered.)

Spiritual energy

It’s hard to compare the other energies to this one since this one is more powerful than the other two put together. Sure, the other two are very important for your survival and your ability to function in general so you’re not a vegetable, but spiritual energy is the driving factor of everything else. It drives the desires of your heart, the values in your mind, your very beliefs and other properties that do not pertain to physical bodies. It lets you perceive things about the world if you are able to consciously tap into it. This utilization of the spiritual energy is commonly known as psychic; not to be mistaken with the term ‘clairvoyant’ (only pertains to seeing certain things). Psychics can use all senses or a selection of senses to observe the metaphysical world. Psychics observe the spiritual energies within the world; the souls of the dead and the energies around the living. This creates a whole new experience.

For those who can tap into the pool of spiritual energies, another world opens up to them. Not only does another dimension appear to them, but many can utilize other abilities as well. Abilities vary per person so the list of capabilities is nearly endless. Possibilities include; spiritual healing, mediating with (non)physical spirits, observing auras and foretelling the future or retrieving the past. If this sounds like a supernatural novel in waiting, it might as well be, but is also is my reality. I myself too have honed a few of these ‘skills’ but what they might mean for you, my dear reader, is only for a few psychics to foresee.

May destiny be kind to you.

A Heartfelt Post

NaNoWriMo is drawing to a steady close. I myself managed to win it on the 20th, which was also the day winning started. With another handful of quickly written words, I managed to surpass the 50k just before midnight; it was minutes away.

Unfortunately, I haven’t written a single creative word since. My discipline plummeted and along with it went my self-confidence. “My writing isn’t good.” the voice in my head said. “Why do you even keep doing this? It’s a waste of time. It’s not even good what you’re putting down.” Sadly, I listened to the voice.

All my fingernails got chewed away due to the stress and uncertainty that dwelled in me. These feelings are very unpleasant, I assure you. They came coupled with my inability to focus lately. Though often times creative endeavors were free from that wretched situation, now my writing is subject to it too. I can not concentrate in class unless I highly focus; which drains me completely. Even so, I still drift into thought very easily and without my own consent. It just… happens. Sadly, my writing now endures the same fate. The only relief here is that I still believe in the story itself, just not so much in my ability to write it.

Trying to find amusement is hard too. What little joys I retrieve are usually listening to audiobooks. I doubt I could keep my attention on a physical book and such an activity also exhausts me. So instead I curl up with a gorgeous fantasy book. It also gives me an excuse to hide in my home and to feel as if I am not present within the cruel world of today.

Now and then I become fearful of this world and what exists in it. Thinking about the cruelty within makes me sad and random or not-so-random events frighten me to the point of losing a large portion of my control. Anxiety, maybe? I haven’t gone to a doctor to talk about it since then the word would be out and it is not something I am proud of; likely understandably so.

I am also not a big fan of the season. It is getting cold and darkness is upon us at half past four, which is very early. Often times when I depart from school, I find myself enveloped in darkness with an interval of golden light now and then. It is not a pleasant sensation to be within the cloak of night but the year forces it upon me. It is also very cold so I don’t like to be out.

Without trying to worry too much, I have decided to throw myself head first into my schoolwork. If I can succeed there, then that is a form of proof to myself that there is worth in what I do—albeit worth to my own person and not to anyone else. But truly, that is the best kind of worthiness to obtain. And after all, I am the Trist who is Worthy so I ought to succeed.

Currently, I am a second-year student of International Business Management. Luckily, I still enjoy it a lot even though there are a few worries that dwindle within the depths of my mind; suppressed by more urgent matters. I am trying to uphold the mask of contentment and joy that I have always had and it is luckily not too hard because I don’t want to burden anyone with, well, with me. So that gives me enough of an excuse to smile to the world. Indeed, I will smile to fool even myself. For sometimes, hope is in giving yourself a delusion to follow. So why should not I follow such a thing?

Beyond the shallow depths of this delusion, there is the true me; with feelings and thoughts unspoken. I hint at them sometimes to a very select few friends. Luckily, I have gained the knowledge that they are steadfast in staying at my side and I appreciate that beyond what words can say. So for them; I can try to be better, if not for myself.

I know this is not the kind of posts I usually write but if not anywhere else, this is my place. I can be here what I wish to be; myself or a masked version of myself. So here I will lay down my heart for once and hope that it might remind other people that being flawed is normal. I am highly flawed as well. I have problems. I endure stressful situation. I am afraid of things. I can feel sad. I can feel lonely. And it is because I, like you, am human and it is normal to feel this way. Acknowledge it and try to grow. My heart goes out to those of you who are enduring situations of your own. Love is the ultimate weapon in life and even the most lonely can find it somewhere; from people and from one self.

Be strong and may destiny be kind to you.

NaNoWriMo 2017 Is Here!

NaNoWriMoNaNoWriMo is back again, and thus so am I! Novels and characters are coming to life all around the globe. This month is always very exciting. It’s honestly my favorite month of them all, despite the early evenings, late mornings, dark days and cold weather (or just the bad weather because my country is weird in that regard). It is very motivating to write stories, light some candles and drink a nice drink all day.

That (and a few other things) is exactly what I did today. I rose at 9 AM and then went off to school to meet up with my team for English Business Communication so we could discuss our pitch. Then we went on to perform said pitch. We passed, which is not bad news either. Then I met up with another team for the module assignment. Then I went home and had lunch. I booted up my computer, turned on my NaNo playlist and sat here for hours since.

An impressive 8.5k now sits in a document next to this one (I write my posts in Word before copying them to WordPress). I’m honestly quite impressed with my own word count thus far, but it is not enough yet. The NaNo site now displays lifetime achievements. It includes my ‘wordiest day’ which is the day on which I wrote the most. It displays a day two years ago when I wrote 10k in one day. I don’t know how, I just know that I did. So I have to surpass at least that! I also expect to surpass the 50k and win as well. I also plan to still buy myself a halo on the NaNo site.

For those of you who are wondering what I am talking about, I will explain.

What is NaNoWriMo?

NaNoWriMo is the abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. It is an annual event ran by a non-profit organization that wants to stimulate people of all ages to write; whether they are professionals or amateurs. Regardless of whether they are 9 or 90, this project believes everyone can write a book.

During the month of November, (aspiring) authors everywhere try to write 50.000 words in one month. A handy chart helps people keep track of their progress. There are peptalks in the forms and in e-mails you receive. You can join online communities in the forums. Local volunteers help run events for NaNo such as a kick-off and write-ins; which are local writing sessions where you gather with other writers and work on your NaNo novel. I’ve never been to one of those because I am a hermit but they sound fun.

The idea is just to type away to your heart’s desire. 50k might sound like a lot to some people, but that amounts to no more than 1667 words a day, which can be done in just a few hours or less. When you have achieved the 50k, you can unlock special offers for NaNo ‘winners’. Winners are people who earned the 50k. You will receive a happy video of cheering people, words of pride and the special offers I mentioned. These offers include free trials or discounts on writing programs such as Scrivener, cheaper deals on self-publishing a book somewhere, offers for cover designs or even discounts on writing courses. Exciting stuff, I think!

NaNo stats 2015
These were my NaNoWriMo stats after 2015. Yes, this is a not-so-humble brag.

Personally, I think NaNo is an amazing initiative. Ever since I found out about it, I have been passionate about it. I have done my best to spread the word about the idea with anyone who had even the slightest dream of writing a novel. I’m not about to stop that either!

Now then, with that having all been said, I will proceed to having dinner and then continuing my writing journey. IF anyone wants to contact me, my NaNoName is Tristin Worth.

May destiny be kind to you.

My 7 Reasons To Buy Groceries Online

This morning my cleaning lady was at my house. She helps me clean since I can’t always see everything well enough to do so perfectly. It’s a great help and she’s very friendly, too.

While she was here, the delivery service from the supermarket arrived. They carried two crates and two plastic bags through the door, up the stairs and into the kitchen. I paid with my bank card and he departed again.

“That’s handy.” the cleaning lady said. I agreed.

Here’s why.

1. I can’t carry a lot of groceries when I do them myself. I have only one free hand since I use my cane with the other. So I can only select a handful of things to bring with me since I have such limits.

2. It saves me the effort of having to carry heavy and big things. Bottles and packs containing fluids can get really heavy. Packs of toiletpaper are massive as well. Again, there would be a restriction here.

3. Now that I order my groceries online, I can also see all the ingredients in the food. I am a devoted vegetarian and I like to know in general what my food contains. By ordering online, I can check the list of ingredients easily before deciding if I want to buy something. In the store, these lists are in tiny fonts and thus I can’t read them as easily. This also counts for the contents of a product. The website will tell me immediately if something contains 200g of vegetables or 500g. This makes meal planning a lot easier.

4. I never mistake something for something else. Online I can perfectly define what it is I am looking at. In the store, I can mistake something for another thing if it looks familiar. This of course, can be bothersome.

5. I am better able to keep track of costs online. There is a clear indication of this in the top right corner. In the store, I can’t read the price labels very well. It takes me additional effort to read those and I don’t feel that it is worth the strain anymore.

6. The online store has practically every product a person needs in daily life. The supermarket down the street does not. I was often looking for things there that they simply did not have. Online however, they have every food product I want, as well as personal hygiene products, cleaning products, small home interior products and much more. Buying these products in bulk is also an advantage.

7. Whether it’s raining, snowing, hailing or freezing, I can still obtain food and such. My hermit lifestyle continues.

May destiny be kind to you.

One Eyed Life

During many previous posts, I’ve made a small note of being visually impaired. Though I’ve often wanted to post this, I have never actually gotten around to it. I finally got to it now, because I have had a few posts in mind but they wouldn’t make a lot of sense until I made my audience aware of this little situation. So here is the story of my disability.

When I was born, the doctors discovered that my eyes were underdeveloped. The left eye was beyond saving. It has never had any ability at all. It’s just aesthetic, I suppose. The other wasn’t much better but there was still hope for it. As a baby, I received multiple operations. The doctors removed the lens from my eyes. They also transplanted a cornea twice. Since I was so young however, my body rejected the donor organ. The doctors decided not to try again since it didn’t seem to work. During my youth, I’ve had a few other operations concerning my eyes. One was to fix a condition in my eyes that had kept deteriorating my eyesight. The other is a small tube above my eye that drains a certain harmful liquid from it and thus keeps the pressure down.

I have an enormous medical history in this regard. Most of it would mean nothing to you all. Admittedly, some of it is a mystery to me too. I don’t understand all the terms.

What I do know, however, is what this means for me. Unlike what people tend to think, I can’t tell you what I see. I don’t have a reference for what ‘normal’ people see so I can’t compare my own eyesight to it either. But I have had wonderful doctors who have explained the situation to me.

Because I only have one eye to perceive with, I can not see depth in any way. I can observe that it exists in the world. I can understand that one tree is closer than the other because it is bigger and that its roots are lower in my field of vision. But the actual depth that there is, I can not see. I live in a 2D panorama.

Additionally, my one-eyed life has made my field of vision smaller. When people walk to my left, I can not see them. When they walk to my right, I can often see them vaguely from the corner of my eye. This is why I like it when people walk at that side of me so they aren’t simply a voice to my left. I like to know where they are. That makes sense, right?

Finally, a noteworthy consequence of the removal of my lens and the damaged cornea. The lack of a lens means that I can not make things in my field of vision look sharp. It also means I can not filter light as well as other people can. My cornea, after its second transplant, was also rejected by my body. This means it is damaged and vague. This further increases the vagueness of my environment and the light sensitivity.

Of course, this explanation too, is more just a vague view (pun intended) of my daily life. So I will try to explain it. First, I’d like to elaborate on how light works for me. When I see light, it becomes distributed across my whole field of vision. It is the same with fogged up windows or shower doors. Light becomes a cloud of light, rather than just one point. This means that it makes it harder to see anything else besides the bright scattered light. In the dark, this means that there is only darkness and pools of light around me. Naturally, I rely on my other senses during the dark since my eyesight is practically useless.

The vagueness means that I see more unclearly than the first smartphone’s cameras. I have less pixels, I suppose. Things in my life are blurry. Yes, my glasses help to compensate it a bit, but I can still not see fine detail. Sharp contrast and large details make it possible for me to function in life (reading the computer with inverted colors and big letters, for example). But the majority of my life is simply shapes. A slim blot of color on the street can be a person walking or a person on a bike. A big dark block in front of me on the street might be a car or truck. I can’t recognize the faces of friends or family. I recognize them by their voices. I can’t read ‘normal’ text. I can’t define things in the store unless I know exactly what to look for. For example, when I need shampoo, I will look for an abundance in purple somewhere, since Andre Lon’s packages are nearly always a pleasant violet hue. So I know that if I find those, I find other shampoos too. This is how I often find my way through stores. I go by large details since I lack the small ones. My mind is always working overtime to try to identify what I’m seeing through the clouds of vagueness.

The fact that my brain works hard is one worth nothing too. Even I find it easy to ignore this part of my disability. It means that everything I do, from walking to the train station down the street to buying a sandwich will always take more energy than it will take other people. I do my best to lessen the work my eyes have to do. Sometimes I close them while I do chores at home but the effect of closing them does not make up for the energy spent. I often find myself needing insane amounts of sleep over the weekends to compensate for how much of myself I have been giving away in order to keep up with other people.

I must admit, this is something that I really still struggle with. Even if I admit to myself that I have been doing too much and that I need some time to regenerate, I do not always take the time to rest up. I will feel that since other people can do this, I can too; even though I know I can’t. I’ll continue to do my homework and attending classes; pushing myself onwards.

At the end of my past schoolyear, I felt that I was really on the edge of a burnout. I had exams and a project due. The project was to be done in only one week and it took up all my time and energy. I enjoyed it, for sure. It gave me a chance to show off all my talents. Yet even things I like can really take up my energy because it just means that I spend countless hours on them, like I did with this project. Honestly, school should not have lasted even half a week longer. I could not have done it.

I know that I probably make my situation sound bad with that last paragraph, but it really isn’t as pitiful as people might think. I am also an individual. I’m not just a blind girl who needs to be admired for trying to make something of life. I also cook and clean and do chores. I navigate the streets on my own using my cane and all my sense. I travel with buses and trains and everything. I visit friends who live hours away that way. Life isn’t so bad but it is just a work in progress that I can cope better with every day.

As it has been to me, may destiny be kind to you.

7 Lights I Don’t Want To Be Seen In

‘Street light’ and ‘lava lamp’ will not be featured on this list, although I really love lava lamps. I used to have one when I was younger. It had green light in it. Perhaps I’ll buy another some day, though I am not sure where I should put it…

Anyways, the lights I am talking about here are metaphorical. These lights represent perspectives people have had of me or those that I would rather continue to avoid.

Photo 04-10-2017, 20 24 45

  1. Trophy wife

Never will I complete someone else’s life. I’m not something to be shown off to friends. I am not a status symbol for anyone to have. I’m not someone who will bring another person into certain circles. Let us not even indulge upon the ‘wife’ portion here. Being a trophy girlfriend is bad enough.

  1. Other half of a heart

Why do people see their partners this way? It does not make sense to me. If someone else is the other half of you, then you are only half a person by yourself. So if that person is not there, you are incomplete. It makes your accomplishments slim because other people can do the same thing but it will be their own thing. You will only do it as half a person. Besides, I don’t want to be bound to someone like this. Being ‘the girlfriend’ is not something I ever aspire to be.

  1. Blind person

Yes, I do not see well. Technically it comes down to being visually impaired, but that’s not where the problem lies here. Saying this uses the word ‘blind’ as an adjective for the word ‘person’. This means that ‘blind’ describes ‘person’. I feel that saying this puts too much emphasis on something that is only a small part of me. I’d rather say ‘person who happens to be blind’. This way, the words behind ‘person’ simply give additional information. Besides, the word ‘blind’ could be anything here since I just ‘happen’ to be that.

  1. There when convenient

I initially called this ‘there when needed’ but that didn’t complete describe where I want to go with this. I’m sure we’ve all heard of the people who only come to you when it suits them; when they need something. There are also those who come to you only when it fits in their schedule. Rather than fitting you into their life, they will wait for life to give them a gap where you can fit. I’ll say no thank you to that.

  1. Entertainment

Obviously, I don’t want to be a person who exists simply to amuse other people. There is more to me. Of course, I can also comfort people and advise them about life, but the pendulum swings both ways. If I am going to give my time to people to help them out, I hope they will be there for me too when I need someone.

  1. Easy

OK, before you all call this one an obvious one, I must tell a short story. Recently, I had a crush on someone in my life. A close friend of mine and I were discussing relationships around that time. He explained that he was picky about people. I answered that I was too but then someone just came along. His reply was that he was not that easy. Ouch…

  1. Typical

You will rarely hear me say this, but I do not consider myself to be a typical person. Granted, everyone is unique. The media has a certain view of people of my age, however. Movies, books and social media depict them in a certain way. I am not that.

Things

Photo 03-10-2017, 22 01 17Minimalism is such a thing lately. I find it interesting, not that I would pursue it. I have too many books, pillows and plushies for that. I even have a small fluffy pink thing that looks like a cute dragon head to put my phone on. I tell myself it is so I don’t hear my phone vibrate when I’m trying to sleep. It’s either that or the thing is too fluffy and cute to lose.

I must say though, having less ‘things’ is nice. I have done a challenge of which I do not remember the name, that my mother recommended to me. This was a while back but I remember it. On the first day of the month, I had to get rid of one thing. On the second day of the month, I had to be rid of two things and so on. The challenge is to keep this up for the entire month. In that mind, I emptied my home of 496 different things. Granted, sometimes two of the objects were a pair of earrings, but it was still something I threw away. I feel like my home got very much de-cluttered.

Lately I’ve also been more cautious about what things I want to have. I bought a new tv stand where I can keep everything. I moved my radio into the closet too along with my two game consoles, all the games, controllers, CDs, DVDs and a box full of incense. It now feels much more logical to have all the things in one place. For my bedroom, I purchased new nightstands. They are still in the process of being filled but the drawer on my side of the bed has a handful of things. They are kept out of sight in that drawer so it looks very neat in my home.

In this fashion, the big closet I have in my living room is getting empty ever so steadily. It still contains my books and a hundred picture frames as well as my fish tank. But some day, I hope to empty it out a bit more too. Quite recently I tossed out the diaries that were sitting on the shelf. Why would I have to keep them? They are put to better use as recycled paper or cardboard rather than on a shelf in my house.

Some day maybe, when I move to a house that will be my own, I will not have a need for such a large closet. I can already assure you though, that there will be a book closet that might be just as big.

The Best Pet

Tinny

If there is one thing that my home makes evident about me (aside from my love of Zelda) it is the love I have for cats! My feline friends are in picture frames and I have statues of their brethren. I even have a self-designed mug of a cat. I always pick this mug when I drink tea or hot cocoa. I’ve been considering making a few more to make up a bit of a collection of cat mugs. Thoughts?

Cat mug.png
This image is wrapped around my mug

Anyways, cats are a wonderful pet to have. Though I am sad to announce that I currently have none since my landlord doesn’t allow them in my apartment, I have grown up with them. My family has always had cats. I vow to have a handful of fluffies again soon enough!

  1. Cats are quiet

Our felines can lurk around your house without you even knowing. They move on silent paws. They are the true hunters of the night. These little ninjas make sure you can still live in peace and quiet. Though some will occasionally meow incessantly in order to be obeyed. So I suppose we ought to keep them happy!

  1. Cats are cuddly

Of course, not all cats are cuddly. It depends on their personality and the way that they have been raised, whether they will like human contact. The cats in my life like to be affectionate. Tintel likes to sit or sleep on my lap. Mike likes any kind of cuddling and wants to be as close to your body as he possibly can (going so far as to plop down on the floor in front of you so you will pick him up). Gabber doesn’t mind lounging on people too and being petted. Should I get more cats in my life, I will be sure to raise them to love cuddling since it is an absolute delight! Tintel would often crawl into my bed with me at night and sleep with me until morning. I miss that still.

  1. Cats are clean

Cats tend to be neat animals. They will clean up after themselves and will even clean themselves. What little people might need to do is clip their nails (if needed), shave them or brush them. Though the former two activities might not make your cat too happy, the latter is often a bonding experience.

  1. Cats are independent

Unlike dogs, who need everything to be done for them, cats can live out their lives with little attendance. Feed them, clean out the litterbox, give them some attention now and then, perhaps brush them and make sure they are healthy by observing them is really all you need to do. It leaves time for other activities (or just more cuddles).

  1. Cats are generally soft

Let’s be honest, the simple fact that most cats are fluffy is absolutely alluring. Even random cats on the street make me stop and attempt to pet them. I do this even when I should be rushing off to class. Cats will be the bane to my grades.

  1. Cats have amazing eyes

The variety in color and shape of said eyes does not take away from their brilliance. There is such depth in them. I always feel like I can truly see a cat’s soul when looking at the creature’s eyes. For example, Tintel has a very strong gaze but she can look at you with kindness and love too. Mike on the other hand, always carries sweet, twinkly eyes on him; a sign that he always wants to be hugged. Gabber, the more introverted of the three, has calmer eyes.

  1. The bond with cats can be magical

I can honestly say that Tintel is one of my best friends. I don’t go out and party with her. I don’t ask her for advice about life. I confide in her though and I confess to her. No matter what I do in life, she will still love me and enjoy being around me. I might not be pretty or perfect, but she only cares that I care. If ever I was sad, her being near me always made me feel better. Her love has always been a divine gift, in my eyes.

Being Bad at Something is Good

Over the past few years, I’ve been nurturing a child of mine. No, this is not a human child. This is a story that is as close to my heart as a child must be. I must nurture it, grow it, see it mature. I must guide it into becoming something wonderful that makes the world better. That is a bit like a child, no?

But I often told myself that I wasn’t ready yet for such a great thing. I wasn’t good enough. My vocabulary wasn’t able to captivate my imagination. My characters weren’t fleshed out enough yet. My world needed more content. I needed more experience and skill. I felt my skills weren’t good enough. My dialogues were insufficient. My ability to capture emotion in characters was short-sighted. My story didn’t make sense. I did things wrong that ‘experts’ said one should not do when writing. I simply was not good enough in so many ways.

Then comes the obvious truth however. One can not become good at such an art without trying. If one never starts writing, one will never become good. I’ve considered writing something else first, to hone my skills, but I decided that a different story would not be as close to my heart. If I do not believe in it and love it and yearn for it, then how can I write it? That is when my thoughts started changing.

There was also the thought of later. I can’t start now because I’m studying. I have enough to do for school. I can’t spend my time writing. That thought too, makes no sense. Writing is a joy (or it always was to me) so why would I not use it to diffuse the stress from studying? It would create a balance and keep me happy. It’s never too soon nor too late to start writing. Today is as good as any day.

My writing style will become more flowing as I progress. My vocabulary might not be abundant but if I use it wisely, I can make anything sound classy. Being aware of mistakes that experts point out is the first step to internalizing the correct way. So that are all these ‘not good enoughs’ truly? They are lessons to be learned from so to become better at this craft.

I know my lessons are obvious ones. Write now and not later. Write what you believe in. Write if you want to write. Write something terrible so you can become better next time. Sheer determination and desire is pulling me through at this point.

I’m sorry that this post is a bit short and a bit obvious too. There is not much structure to it either but perhaps it helps another writer regain their faith in themselves. If I can believe, then they can too. Just keep on writing, fellow humans, and also look forward to that book series that may one day come out where the author line says Tristin R. F. Worth!

May destiny be kind to you.