The Circle of Life

Before I get into anything, I would like to mention something to my latest readers; a simple thank you, that is. Those likes and follows make my day, truly! Receiving a notice on my phone that someone liked what I wrote and/or chose to follow me is an occasion that makes me smile quite sincerely. Little moments of sunshine, those are.

Now then, let us move along!

After having spent a partial week and partial weekend with a good friend, I am back to the ‘uni life’. The previous weekend was fun but hectic. My friend and I visited a spa for an entire day. We enjoyed saunas, steam baths, the pool, the hot tub and delightful food. However, upon returning home, we found the kitchen floor covered in water… After spamming my landlord’s phone and mopping to try to keep the water from increasing, the landlord appeared and shut off the water. Great, right? He promised to call someone on Monday morning after which he delivered buckets full of water and bottles and other containers to my home so we had at least some water to live on.

I did not mean to ramble about the subject so much but it was definitely an interesting thing. I kept laughing at the pure absurdity because that was the only way to feel all right.

At the moment, I am feeling even more wonderful. I have enjoyed my evening with games and music. I have been playing the Lion King musical CD. When I first started the music, I had a few chills of nostalgia. I became acquainted with the music from the movie when I was but a miniature version of myself. I have loved it ever since then. Later, when I was seven, my mother, aunt and niece attended the musical. To my dismay, I was not allowed to join them. However, my mother brought something back to the home after the musical; the CD of the music.

There were only a few things I did often at that age. Listening to the Lion King CD was one of them. I am quite sure I drove my whole family crazy since I played it in my radio without end. I would dance to the music, sing along and often times play it while doing something crafty (like making paper slippers). I made them look like animals as well; small dots on yellow shoes for a cheetah, or round ears and a tail for a mouse. When my older brother found out about them, he asked me to make slippers for him too. I had about twenty pairs by that time and I made him several as well.

Before every trip we were going to embark on as a family, I grabbed the CD and ensured it came with us on the trip so I could listen to it in the car as well. My brothers and I would draw or play while the music played on endless repeat.

Now, sixteen years later, I am still listening to the same music, though not the same CD. That CD was so worn that it kept skipping. We had played it till its very demise. Distraught, I inspected the wonderful world of the internet and found another CD. My ability to click the order button had never been so instinctive and rapid. The next day the disk arrived on my doormat. What a treat!

Whenever I listen to it, I envision the musical but I also feel all the beautiful memories flooding into my mind and the sensations associated with them into my heart. I am not prone to reminiscing, but this is definitely a version of that which gives me extensive joy. To know that something so simple as a set of tracks on a CD can revive so many thoughts. These thoughts are of the happiness I felt as a child and the kindness of my family towards one another. These are things I am grateful for and that nothing can replace. They are the greatest gift anyone can ask for.

I can only envision what attending the actual musical will do. In the month of June, my parents, younger brother and I are going to visit it. We have second row seats to boot! I’m sure my dear readers can now guess which CD I am going to bring along on the drive to the musical.

May destiny be kind to you.

Personalities

A few days ago, a friend of mine introduced a link to me that pertained to the ’16 personalities’ by Myers and Briggs. This model is often abbreviated to MBTI. The website I visited offered a free test to see which personality I am.

You can find the test here.

You can also read about all the personalities there.

The test is fun and easy to do. I enjoyed doing it. Finding out my result was even more intriguing. It turns out that I am a Mediator personality. This personality is seen as quiet and reserved but will speak when they feel compelled. They are people who want to led a hand to other persons. They are eager to find harmony. Their career will not feel meaningful unless they are helping a cause of some sort. They value their principles and are usually very poetic and dreamy people.

Read more about Mediators here.

One thing I noticed is that the corresponding website gives a lot of insight into personalities and offers advice on careers, romance and friendships. It also shows a few famous people who have the particular personality type. Mine is shared with Shakespeare and Tolkien. Wow! Yes, I feel honored by that.

I’m not saying that every single part mentioned in the Mediator description is me to a T, but it is very close. A few things I feel a bit different about or adapt in a way that matches me more accurately but if I must establish a general opinion about the validity then I would say it is very accurate.

I had a long conversation with the friend who showed the link to me about our personalities. His is different from my own. I read his description as well and we talked about it. We matched up things we read with actions the other person had taken that we recognized. He mentioned my ability to learn new languages. I mentioned he’d always look for plot holes in movies we’d watch (he is a logician; very analytical and precise people).

One thing that interested me is that the Mediator personality emphasizes sensitivity strongly. At first I felt a tad confused. I am not an emotional person at all and do not generally look towards emotions to guide me. Yet as I continued reading, it identified that Mediators use emotions in a way other than to just monitor their own state. They use it to reflect what other people might be thinking and feeling. They pick up on subtle cues and use those hints to identify feelings. Empathy, I’d call this. It also mentioned that Mediators (and other personalities in the Diplomat group) are also subtle about their own feelings. They do not explicitly express them. People need to read into it more. I find that to be a beautiful though. I rarely let emotions overwhelm me; as people who know me would be able to tell you. I have emotions, yes, but I keep them in check and only show what I feel is appropriate.

The text also reminded me of a conversation I’ve had with another friend about a year ago. I told him, “I just want to see people happy.” He noticed that through the gestures I make, the principles I have and the things I say that such a phrase comes from the depths of my happy. It’s true. I just want people to feel happy and understood in their own respects. Of course I hope they too will be kind and good people but that is not the first and foremost thing I want for others. My friend noticed during our conversation that I do not want to please people to receive something in return. I just take pleasure in seeing them happy. That is the reward that I receive and that is more valuable to me than anything else.

I am not a goddess who wants to be acknowledged for the good I do. I am not a ruler who needs taxes or other payments. I am not a manager who pleases people so they will work hard and help the business. I am none of those things and I don’t (completely) aspire to be. I just want to do things that make the world a better place; step by tiny step.

May destiny be kind to you.

Starting Again

fireworksTo all those who happened upon this blogpost; I wish you a happy new year filled with happiness, health, fortune, love and wisdom. Make this a year worth remember. I’m going to be doing the same. Each weekend I’m going to write down something good that happened the week before. I will collect them all in my everything-journal so I have something fun to look at when the next new year is nearing.

Do I have resolutions? No, not for the new year. I make them throughout the year when I feel pleased to. I’ve been wanting to write more but sacrificing my studies for it wasn’t an option. Which brings me to what I do have this year; goals.

One of them is that I want to earn what we call a ‘propedeuse’. The propedeuse is the first 60 credits that you can earn in the first year. My goal, of course, is to get all of them the first year. So far I gathered all the credits I could. My propedeuse, or as Google translates it, foundation classes, will give me qualifications for various other studies.

One of these is European Language and Culture, taught at the university of research sciences in the next big city. It’s a small trip away from me. I’d like to continue my studies by applying for that. It is a course consisting of three years where you pick two main branches (culture, language and literature or politics and society) and also a main language and region. My goal is to learn about Sweden.

Of course another goal is to travel; possible to Stockholm as well. In May I have an excursion planned as well. My school offered a select amount of places to visit Madrid for an intensive Spanish course to expand on what we are learning this first year. I completed my payment for the trip this very morning.

Besides these, I still have a pile of stories I want to write. I have my big project that is still underway. I decided to write the entire story first, as long as that will be. Then I can continue editing and decide if I will cut it into smaller pieces. I’m maybe about a third done with the whole plot and knowing me, the remaining plot will still expand as I go along. There are tons of backstories to look at and characters who want their voices to be heard. So besides the scenes I have been envisioning, there will surely be plenty more to come.

I don’t have many other goals. I don’t plan on buying another fish although I only have one left (the other passed away). I am still not allowed to adopt a cat. I’m not interested in love at the moment. This is mainly because my studies swallow up plenty of time. I don’t want to have to diminish my time for studying just to spend it with someone. I’d rather give all my attention to my studies and tread through those before anything on that front happens.

I still plan to do creative things now and then. This helps me get my mind off of studying for a bit. It pulls me out of stressful thoughts. Recharging is important!

As always, I hope to learn new things and grow as a human being. I hope I can remain close friends with the people that are already in my life and that I might meet new ones. I hope to grow as a person and develop myself. I hope to gather more wisdom so that in about 365 days I can look back and nod to myself and know that I am a better person than I was before.

I also wish for the same that I wished every reader at the top of this blog; happiness, health, fortune and love for the entire year to come.

Who Am I?

It’s a complex question. It has many answers; many of which will contradict one another. I’ve been asked a variation of this question a lot lately, “Who are you? What is unique about you?” Well, I can’t say what one thing will make me unique, but I can come up with a few. My teachers have all been asking for something like that so they can remember you and such. So I thought, might as well make a little list here, right? And yes, that silhouette is one of me.

  1. I am a vegetarian.
  2. My sign is Aquarius.
  3. I play the acoustic guitar.
  4. I was born in Texas while my parents are Dutch.
  5. I am the middle child in between two brothers.
  6. My favorite animal is the cat.
  7. I enjoy swimming.
  8. My favorite color is violet.
  9. I prefer the countryside over the city.
  10. Hibiscus flowers are my favorite.
  11. I have a tattoo on my right upper arm that represents my direct family.
  12. I was raised with three languages.
  13. I enjoy classical music.
  14. I do not follow any religion but I do have a strong belief system.
  15. According to the law, I am legally blind.
  16. My greatest hobby is writing.
  17. I am very good at letting go.
  18. My favorite season is summer.
  19. I generally remember what I dream of at night.
  20. I am terrified of horror movies.
  21. One of my favorite scents is lavender.
  22. I like grapes and apples.
  23. I am a bookworm.
  24. I am terrified of the dentist.
  25. I’ve never had a paid job.
  26. I love dragons and phoenixes alike.
  27. I am interested in the cosmos.
  28. Learning is one of my hobbies.
  29. I like candles.
  30. I enjoy playing Legend of Zelda games.
  31. I have one prosthetic eye.
  32. I like to paint.
  33. I prefer silver over gold.
  34. The amethyst is my favorite gemstone.
  35. If I’m right, I’ve been on a plane 14 times in my life so far.
  36. If I could be anything, I’d want to be a writer.
  37. I’m not afraid of blood.
  38. I’m an avid shoe lover.
  39. I used to own a pony and later a horse.
  40. I believe there is extraterrestrial life.

Cherished Memories

When I was a child, I enjoyed stories. My mother would read books to me. She did this well up until I was 12 years old. We would read the Narnia books before bedtime. But my dad did something even more unique. He would make up stories on the spot and tell them to me. He has done this for as long as I can remember.

It started out with a collection of small animals that lived in fruit houses in the backyard. The first story was about a mouse that lived in an apple. I don’t remember all the other animals that assembled, but the collection of fruit friends increased greatly.

At a later time, which is also why I typed this post, my dad told me stories about Toby. Toby was a tiger friend who slept in a drawer. He had on sneakers, blue pants and a red cap. I recall many details about Toby. One of his pals was a donkey called Tabias. He also had a brother who wore red pants and a blue cap; so they could be kept apart.

One of the first stories about Toby that my dad told me was one my dad told me and my older brother. It was about meeting him. He took us to a magical realm where all our dreams seemed to come true and we partook in amazing activities together. There was also sand of very intriguing colors; purple and pink for instance. The story ended with us going to bed and waking up, wondering if it had been a dream or reality. We found out the answer when we left the home and found remains of colored sand.

I enjoyed all those stories. I used to have a notebook that I drew in about them. I would remember the stories and draw about the ones I had been told on the pages in the notebook. I remember I’ve drawn Toby in it too. Along with him, there was a bus full of other characters that came along on our adventures. There were various horses, the fruit animals and even a dolphin.

Sadly however, I no longer have this notebook nor most of the memories of the stories. I think it’s such a loss that I forgot them all. I would’ve loved to have written down all the stories for safe-keeping. Then I could’ve passed them on to my own children and the potential children of my brothers. In that way, the wonderful characters from the stories could have lived forever.

Instead, I am thinking of approaching my dad with a different proposal. Perhaps he’d like to come up with new stories about the old characters with me. I could help write them and we could draw pictures for it. We could create a book out of it. After all, I still have ‘writing a children’s book’ on my bucket list. What better way to cross off a bucket list goal through the help and support from a loved family member? So here’s to hoping some other child will some day be able to appreciate the wonderful adventures of Toby and all the other companions.

Early Zensations & Other Habits

Once upon a time, I was that young person that would sleep in till noon and who would then drag herself out of bed to hang out at her computer or with video games all day; with the occasional exception upon which I’d do something social, perhaps. Early mornings were a rarity as well as my worst enemy

However, I’m on my way to change. The key to changing a routine is discipline. They say that if you can do something for thirty days straight that you will set it up as a part of your routine. I find that believable as well as helpful knowledge and frightening knowledge at the same time.

I know that I’m prone to steering away from a routine if something pushes me to not stick to it. For example, if I’m trying to keep up with early mornings and a friend comes over who likes to stay up and go out, I will decide to not care anymore and fall back into old, unhealthy habits. So that might be a dangerous influence; especially since it’s summer break currently which gives me both the perfect opportunity to work in change before the new year but also gives me time and a chance to meet up with friends that I don’t see often due to our schedules and physical distance.

Gerechtshof

A part of my desired routine is rising early. The latest I’ve done so far is 7 AM. But to put that in perspective, today I set my alarms for 5:45. I jumped out of bed at 5:50 AM to get dressed and to eat. Next I take a walk. I find it unbelievably pleasant to be out at such an early hour during the warm months. Everyone is still sleeping except myself and the birds. The chance that I encounter another person at those hours is very slim. The city doesn’t start coming to life until after 7 AM. On Sundays the vitality of my surroundings is even more nonexistent. I enjoy it. I’m not a city girl, you see.

I’ve written before that I enjoy being alone with my thoughts during the early morning. It stimulates my brain. I’ve been recognizing that knowledge every day so far. My creativity soars and my motivation to do something, be it chores or creative tasks, is immense. Furthermore, I feel happy. A sense of zen and calm overtake me and that feeling remains all day. It’s as if I’m feeling the stillness of nature during the mornings and syncing with it.

Though an early morning stroll (or walks in general) have never been my only version of calm-instilling activities. I know of other activities that cause a likewise sensation. However the difference is in the ability for the feelings to last. I’ve rarely had them cling to me so firmly as I have now. I can think of the corruption in the world and the rotting planet and yet I can remain calm and happy. I can think of things that have hurt me personally and abide by the knowledge that it occurred and have peace with it. This is rare for me.

I’ve always been someone who seeks happiness and a state of zen. It was either elusive or temporary. I would either find it and it would be fleeting or I would find it difficult to find it at all. I would tell myself to obtain it and use the methods I had taught myself to attempt to come by it but there would always remain concerns and thoughts. Yet now I’m more able to have a steady and stable mindset. I’m okay and I will be okay; regardless of what occurs.

My advice to you, reader, is to give it a try as well. Take a walk. Find your own zen. Acknowledge that bad things happen but that it’s okay. It might hurt and that is also okay. Everything happens for a reason and have peace with that every moment of every day. I assure you, you can encounter countless endeavors and still feel blissful throughout them.

Another one of the habits I want to break are caffeine and alcohol. I rarely drink any alcohol anymore. It doesn’t pull my attention like it did when I was a ‘rebel teen’. When I drink nowadays, it’s with a lot more moderation. The consumption of caffeine is more of a concern however. It’s often been something I used as a treat for myself; to reward myself. Yet I’m noticing the consequences on my body when it comes to an intense awake state that I don’t desire. It takes a while for my body to break down the cafeine and return to ‘normal’. So it can really keep me up. There is also of course the matter of all the sugar in it. I’ve been drinking a lot of water instead nowadays. I’m still looking for something else that is pleasant in taste to use as a treat for myself. Any advice is welcome.

Besides this, there is still the ever-lasting contemplation; should I become a vegan? I promise to present a post on that matter in the near future.

Getting To Know Yourself

Some days ago I was talking to my friend Kester. The mention of blog inspiration came up and she shared a set of questions with me found on ProlificLiving. They posted 29 questions that are directed at you as a person and your place in life. I decided to try and answer them.

  1. What activity in your life lights you up with joy?

I’m going to be very obvious with this, but I will say writing. Even on my bad days, if I can manage to write a little (even a blogpost I don’t end up publishing or such) I feel calmer inside and I am more able to feel happy. It is simply my passion.

  1. What is something you always love doing, even when you are tired or rushed? Why?

Listening to music is usually what helps me and I can do it when I’m tired or emotional or anything. This is why I often take my music player with me when I go out for a long trip. I listen to it too before I sleep.

  1. If a relationship or job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave?

I can’t say this about a job. I have never had one. But I’ve had unhappy relationships. If they were unable to be fixed, I simply left. I will not chase something that isn’t meant to be.

  1. What do you fear about leaving a bad job or a bad relationship?

Overthinking past decisions is something I often do. Change can be scary. If you leave a relationship, you can feel that you are unloved or that you made a mistake. These things I can fear. Facing the world alone after you’ve been with someone can be a tough new challenge.

  1. What do you believe is possible for you?

Probably study, get a job and a house. Then hopefully live the domestic lifestyle, too. Some of these require a bit more work than others, but I think I can do it if I try. Besdes these (obvious?) things, I also dream of publishing some of my fantasy work.

  1. What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?

Contrary to what people that know me might expect, I think my actual greatest achievement is moving out, getting out on my own. I love the independent life and being able to live it gives me great fulfillment.

  1. What is the thing that you are second most proud of?

In second place comes my published novel known as ‘Blind vertrouwen’ (Dutch for; blind trust). As stated above, I want to publish more; in English. So if that is achieved, I’m sure those achievements will climb above the current number one and two.

  1. What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

Hmm. This is a tough one. I think my answer would be that I want to prove to other people (normal people) that someone like me can also achieve things in this world. Here I’m referencing the fact that I’m disabled. I want to make people see that we aren’t helpless and incapable. I certainly am not.

  1. How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better?

I’d like to think; little by little. I try to be kind towards people around me. They say a kind word can change a person’s day or even their life for the better. I hope that there will be at least one person that I made smile or feel better by me speaking to them.

  1. If you could have one single wish granted, what would it be?

Not world peace. That is sociologically impossible in current society. The future will have to tell. No, my actual wish would be not for a completely peaceful world, but for a gentler world. People would think twice about judging another person. They’d feel more inclined to help a person in need. People would give more and demand less. That’s what I want.

  1. How comfortable are you with your own mortality?

I have found a good amount of peace with it. I’m not afraid of dying. I know we all die at one point or another. It’s a natural part of life. This, of course, doesn’t mean that I’d go looking for it or wouldn’t fight to preserve my life if I was injured or sick. Life is bliss, yes, but it too will end.

  1. What is your highest core value?

I thought about this one a lot. My initial answer was honesty. But after I thought about this for a while, I want to change my answer to kindness. I think it is impossible to demand honesty where there isn’t the emotional space for someone to be this. I think if you’re kind, you can expect others to be open with you. What is life without kindness?

  1. To your best knowledge, how do other people perceive you?

I think they see me as happy, positive, creative, kind, confident or over-confident, responsible, independent, curious and approachable. Perhaps to some I might also seem a bit overwhelming or too proud.

  1. How would you like others to perceive you?

I want them to see me as a source of happiness and positivity that they can come to. I want to someone they can talk to and trust. I want to be recognized for a warm and gentle heart that is willing to help others and provide them with comfort. I want my person and my ambitions to be taken seriously.

  1. How confident are you in your abilities to make decisions for yourself?

Fairly confident. I overthink this often and often I look to others for a push. I want them to confirm that what I want to pursue is right for me. I want to be believed in, in that way.

  1. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?

I think this is the idea that I could be rejected for the fact that I’m disabled. This makes it hard for me to open up or approach other people. But even after that, I think I might be rejected for my beliefs. Though I know many of my friends and other loved ones have been indifferent towards what I believe in that it did not change how they felt about me. I’m lucky to have such people in my life, but I’ve also seen the other end of the coin. The only consolation I have for those times is that if they don’t accept me, then they aren’t worth my time and energy.

  1. Who is the most important person in your life?

It’s impossible for me to name one person who is the most important to me. When I’m asked who are dear to me, my instant answer is my two brothers and after that I mention my mom and dad. It’s simple as that. They matter more to me than anyone else.

  1. Who is your greatest role model?

Once again I’m going to say my parents are. They have both become successful adults; chasing dreams and achieving them. They are also financially successful and they raised three kids and showed them around the world. I think that’s something worth admiring.

  1. Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with?

Actual dislike is not the issue here. I think the ability to relate to this person has faded and that is what makes it difficult for me to interact with him. I feel like I have grown more than he has since our teen years. That is why I spend my time and energy on other things than he does. I no longer enjoy what we used to enjoy, while he still does.

  1. What is something that is true for you no matter what?

My life motto is; “Everything will be okay in the end.” If I’m dealing with something difficult, I tell myself that things will turn out fine in the end. They always do.

  1. What is your moral compass in making difficult decisions?

It depends a bit on the context. I think about the decisions a lot; weighing the options. But often times, the final decision is made using my gut instinct. What feels the best to me is what I end up going with. But I think that I can make these decisions, thanks to having looked into the options/possibilities more closely. Without the information, I find it difficult to make an assumption. It makes my intuition unsure as well.

  1. What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

This question had me thinking a lot and I still came up blank. This is not because I’m a perfect human being who lived a life without failure or flaws. That’s certainly not the case. I doubt I would’ve liked such a life. There’s no happiness without sadness, after all. But the reason why I find it hard to point out actual failures is because I look at them as lessons and never as actual failures. So maybe if you ask me what my greatest lesson was, I might have an answer, but that too is tricky. I see the compilation of events as lessons. It is not about the singularity.

  1. What role does gratitude play in your life?

It’s a big thing to me. I give it out frequently. I recall when someone was confused when I thanked them for a compliment. They said that wasn’t needed. I think I’ve been raised to be a polite person and thus I will thank someone for saying or doing something I appreciate. Besides that, I enjoy receiving it; especially if it is for little things I did not know I was doing. This morning I called my friend and she thanked me for listening to her and helping her calm down by just being there and being my silly and kind self. She said it multiple times, even though I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than calling her to comfort her at that time.

  1. How do you feel about your parents?

As stated above, I am very close to them. I admire them and appreciate them whenever I’m around them. I’m not saying they are perfect and did everything exactly right while raising my brothers and I, but they gave it their best shot. They made sure I felt loved and safe around them. That’s what matters more than anything.

  1. How is your relationship with money?

I am not too troubled by money. I wrote about it before. That post mainly explains how I feel about money.

  1. How do you feel about growing old someday?

My mother once stated, “Everyone wants to grow old but no one wants to be old.” I think that sums up how I feel. I’d feel mostly troubled about being faced with losing my loved ones to death, as well as losing independence due to my own age. Other than that, I have no concerns.

  1. What role has formal education played in your life and how do you feel about it?

As some of you may know, I enjoy learning and studying. I am currently preparing to go to university (again). My dad often told me to keep learning as much as I could. He sees it as the key to be able to earn money and become successful. I don’t mind trying to study a lot. It’s on my to-do list anyways.

  1. Do you believe your destiny is pre-determined or in your hands to shape however you wish?

I don’t have a black or whit answer to this. But my beliefs center around a good amount of destiny. Certain lessons are placed on your path throughout your life. If you decide to not learn the lesson and avoid it, you will be presented with it again and again until you learn it. When you do, a new lesson will come to you. This is how you grow.

  1. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?

If only I knew… Still to this day, I’m looking for my life’s calling. Maybe I’ll never learn exactly what my own life should entail. If anything, I will have learned from my time here on this speck of dust in the universe.

June Things

The upcoming month (June, for the hermits who tossed out their calendar) will bring many things. Among hopes of sunlight and thus some tanning, there are also a few writing projects and other activities that I want to tackle or at least look at. Let’s have a look!

Camp NaNoWriMo

To make it clear, I do not mean to confuse you and tell you that Camp NaNoWriMo is in June. It is set for July. But to prepare myself for it, I always use the month preceding it as ‘NaNo Prep Month’. This means various things.

  1. I’ll have to decide ‘what’ I want to write. I have many pending ideas that are often nagging my mind because they want to be heard. But since Camp is always dedicated to but one project (in most cases, my own included) I can’t choose them all. Even revision ideas often bug me.
  2. The question of who I will be writing about arises next. I’ll have to shape the characters. They are the first step in my process nowadays. Formerly, I started at any possible angle. But nowadays, my mind often makes up people or non-humans. It assigns traits to them and physical attributes. So when I decide to place them in a story, I become very interested in them. I imagine them, their attitude, reactions and deepest thoughts all pass me by.
  3. When I have done that, I try to create relations between people and based on this, I can increase the emotions of characters (and thus shape them even more). This is often where the actual plot building happens. The stories come forth from the characters. I enjoy following them as they encounter the changes in their life or create them. Their reactions to the changes is what drives any of my stories.
  4. Filling in the plot holes and fleshing are the final necessities for my planning of Camp (or any writing project). The remaining story details are revealed and the whole thing becomes write-ready, as I’d like to call it. When this is all complete, my excitement often takes wings!

I have two pending ideas that are competing for my attention and one potential revision. I’ll mention more on this later, when I decide.

Planning Other Projects

I mainly want to focus on what I call the Primary Trilogy. This series (obviously composed of three parts) features my beloved genre; fantasy. It will be the rewriting and reshaping of the first story I dedicated myself to. I’ve created about four or even five drafts of this tale so far.

As it looks now, this will be indeed a three part series. There is a reason for that but I don’t want to spoil anything so I’ll leave that reason be. I have the basic story outline, but I have a few plot holes I need to fix here and there since I missed those as a teenager. Besides that, a few more characters require a bit more of a realistic approach, rather than an ‘ideal’ one. There’s not much I can say about this because my entire process is still very vague, so more on this later as well.

University Prep

Yes, more prep things will occur! This one concerns my life and potential career, more strongly, I believe, than the writing projects. To elaborate, I must first mention the marvelous news that still brings me excitement to this day. I’ve been accepted to Stenden University for International Business and Management Studies. Even typing this brief post about it makes me giddy on the inside! That’s a good sign, right?

Anyways, in June I’ll be talking to a study advisor to get all the necessities for me to study at Stenden University. I’m slightly nervous about talking to her about this, because it brings me slight tremors when I think about the entire four year course. Am I anxious? Yes, a bit. It’s no little thing, I think. But am I eager? Most definitely!

Finishing Paintings

I have at least two partially finished paintings that need their finishing touches. One of said paintings is of a magnificent blue dragon and I feel that he deserves my every brain cell’s attention. This beautiful blue is actually a character from the Primary Trilogy, as mentioned above. He’s been in my mind for about ten years. That’s quite a while, I personally think; considering I’m only 22…

Social Things

As a ‘normal young woman in her early twenties’ I must engage in activities with le friends. But that’s fine. I have swimming planned and a fun weekend away with peers. Besides that; we’ll see.

And Finally

Let’s hope for a few more blog posts. I’ll go slay the Writer’s Block monster in the mean time!

“Hello?” (1)

“What’s your favorite color?” The answer I purple. Does that answer tell you a lot about who I am? I don’t think it does that. So for that reason, I made up a few more ‘interesting’ questions, or so I think. When you pick up the phone, you’re curious as to who is at the other end of the line. You’re likely curious about who it is so here is my “Hello?” series.

1. What is your latest habit?

The latest thing I am into is washing my hands. Not just in the ‘normal’ situations do I was them but often times I randomly abandon a task to get up and wash my hands before returning to whatever I was tending to. I feel that this is quite a pleasant habit, for me personally. It does however make me a bit skeptical about whether other people wash their hands as much.

On another note, I enjoy going around and finding various soaps that I like. Lavender is definitely my favorite and I’m still looking for a place that sells it. I will bulk buy it! Tips are welcome.

2. What do you do to keep busy while not using material things?

This is something I often encounter when traveling using the trains. The trips can last for hours. I am prone to daydreaming and philosophy. I envision the future, my wishes for this future or random scenes. I also wonder about stories to write or characters in these stories. I envision them and assign personalities to them.

I have come up with entire backstories for characters in my current, active novel (Nivitera’s Promise, for those wondering). I do this by simple thinking of them; picturing them in their life and filling it with what seems compatible (siblings, family, circumstances). Besides that, I imagine ‘questioning’ them on their life to try to find out how they would respond or what they’d say

3. What are topics you enjoy contemplating?

Philosophy, ethics, economics, politics, what-ifs, my own decisions, wonders of the universe, sciences and so on. I question the universe, my own decisions, my hopes for the future and why I have them. I also wonder what answers science is still keeping from us but that they will show to us one day (when they too have found them).

4. What element do you associate with?

I think the answer is carbon. Carbon is abundant in the universe, on Earth and in the human body. Only oxygen, helium and hydrogen are about as common. But carbon is the basis of most life on Earth. It is therefore called an organic element; able to grow life; organisms. It is also able to form bonds with other elements more strongly than most other elements. It is also a gas in our atmosphere; commonly considered pollution (carbon dioxide) from traffic and such. But carbon naturally exists in the atmosphere. Without it (and several other chemicals) no sunlight would remain on our planet and we would all freeze.

I feel that I associate with carbon is because I like to grow and develop in the same way that organisms do. I like to make bonds with other people as well as try to find connections between different things (life is a puzzle). Finally, carbon helps keep people warm. I hope to do that too; keep them warm and happy while in my presence.

5. What word fascinates you?

I have several words that have a pleasant sound to me. ‘Whisper’ is one of them. It has a soft and gentle sound to it; closely resembling what it relates to. The animal known as ‘lion’ has a pleasant word linked to it as well. It rolls off the tongue so easily. ‘Peace’ is another word that holds both strength and honor. I find it to be a powerful word in itself.

6. What beverage motivates you?

There is this friend, an ex to be precise, who back in the day told me about a method that would make water taste better. He said to add slices of cucumber to it and cool it down. After having tried it, I told him I quite enjoyed it. To this day I still do. Just for that reason, I bought a giant jar that you can fill with a liquid.

It motivates me because it helps me drink enough without costing a lot of money. It isn’t too sweet either (which a lot of things commonly are). It makes me feel refreshed and motivates me to be healthy in my entire lifestyle. I will feel more prone to go exercise or such while I am drinking it.

7. Which scientific branches interest you?

There are many that intrigue me. I am interested in physics and chemistry, without involving too much math. Not that I am bad at it, but I enjoy the why’s and how’s more. Facts about the universe as a physical whole interests me. I enjoy learning about the planets, stars and things such as dark matter and dark energy. I’m curious about energy waves, dark holes and all these aspects. Furthermore, I am inclined to consider alien life; what it would be like and when (if ever) we will meet it.

Psychology (mainly the social kind) keep my interest too. I admit, I like to apply what I know to my own life; identifying why people act in the way they do and what that tells me about them as a person.

Since I’m a spiritual person, it is understandable that I am also interested in metaphysics; which encompasses facts and knowledge about anything that is beyond our actual physical realm. This branch involves trying to find proof of energies and other elements that people believe in. Out-of-body experiences, the existence of spirits and auras are examples.

8. What is one of your ‘allergies’?

To start this one off, I will try to explain what I mean by the term allergies. This is a term I learned when I went to school for social work various years in the past. We often viewed a graph of four components. They had to do with understanding your own strength. To fill out the graph, you pick a trait. To accommodate my own blog, I will pick the trait trustworthy. A part of the graph would then be filled out with ‘trustworthy’ (top left). Another part (top right) describes what occurs when someone becomes too trustworthy. Perhaps they look past what is good for themselves because of this. This extent is often seen as negative. At the bottom left, you describe what needs to be done to ensure the person will not reach the situation described in the top right. For example, they become more careful or analytical of other people or situations to be more sure of the fact that they can or can not trust. Then finally in the bottom right, we place the allergy. Because someone is trustworthy, they can feel appalled by people that are skeptical, cynical or paranoid. It is likely an opposite of your own traits.

So by looking at things you are allergic to, you can also try to identify what trait that tells about yourself. I am quite allergic to people who are arrogant. I tend to be humble but confident. So people who largely overshoot their own value bother me, especially if they strongly act on it. Logically (I believe it is logical) I am also allergic to people that are mean. I like to think I am a kind-hearted person so a person that is unkind bothers me. Finally, I am allergic to dishonest people. I highly value truth and people that speak it are golden to me. They earn my respect and I feel they have honor.

9. What defines freedom?

To me, the only freedom we can receive is through our mind, our imagination and through death. True freedom is not something we can physically have. Our bodies will always restrict us in some way. But our minds can make up any situation where all boundaries fall away. The only restriction left there is that it will not be ‘real’ in our own ideas.

Since I believe that there is more past death, I think that when we depart from our physical bodies, we acquire true, limitless freedom; receiving abilities that we can’t even think to equal in physical form. The boundaries of space and time will fall away, for example.

10. Do you believe everyone is able to kill?

This question came to me because a while ago when I still attended class, this subject was suggested during a class and we heavily debated it. The person that came up with the idea that everyone is able to kill another person, was able to convince me with her argument. I will try to repeat what she said because I have taken that opinion as my own as well.

She stated a situation wherein one person was being threatened by another person. The person in danger is in this situation a loved one. She asked us to picture this in our minds. She then asked us to picture a loaded gun within our hands. We could then decide to shoot the person who would harm our loved one. The other option was that we do not pull the trigger and our loved one dies. Furthermore, the person that killed our loved one, could continue and kill other people if we did not stop them.

Due to that thought experiment, I am convinced that anyone can kill. It is a sinister thought, I agree, but this is my honest opinion.