Time Heals Nothing

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor hourglassThe Oxford dictionary has two definitions for time as a noun and three in the category of verbs. Each definition has countless sub definitions. This, to me, just makes it more confusing. What exactly is time? I consider it to be a measurement of the passing of an existence; a sequel of events and movements.

I stopped to think about the idea of time today because I was conversing with a friend. He let me know that a girl he had had his eye on had rejected him. They had gone on a date but she had concluded that they were better off as friends. He felt genuinely sad about this. My first instinct was to tell him that time would heal all wounds. Yet then a small voice in the back of my mind sounded, “Does it?”

My fingers stopped dead in their tracks as I was typing a reply to my friend’s message. Was time really a medicine for all things? It took me a minute to realize that time has little to do with any healing processes.

Of course, there is the obvious notion that time does not cure sickness. Common colds cure from rest and proper nutrition. Other illnesses are cured by antibiotics or other medicine. Some sicknesses, sadly, can not be cured. Yes, it takes time for the measures to take effect, but it is not time itself that heals.

On an emotional level, time is also out of business. I have also spent my time on heartbreak and rejection of some kind. I am a millennial, we all have our love stories so I also have mine. Looking back, time never solved anything for me because it just kept on passing. It did not change my thoughts (or my heart) on anything. I just carried on in the same state. Time never changed that I felt sad or that I missed someone. The simple passing of time only reminded me of all that I could have spent with them.

There have however been things that made the thoughts and emotions pass. Proof of that is myself. I am here still. I am no longer sad. I am not hung up on a past love interest. I too have moved on. What caused me to move on was never time. It was rather the kindness and presence of other people as well as (deliberate) changes in my own life. Sometimes I got so busy with a new hobby or study that all my energy and excitement was raised again. Then I would not feel sad about someone because the time I would’ve liked to spend with them is spent on something else that I am passionate about. Sometimes friends showed me these new things in life or made many little changes to my life to ensure it would be ‘mine’ once more. In that way, it belonged to just me. In the old life, it was common to have a person there with me. In the new life, I was alone and that was okay. There is also the possibility of a new love interest coming into my life or simply new people that amuse me on a platonic level to the point where I no longer feel a need for that former person.

Yes, time drives change. Time allows space (pun intended) for old things to become new. Encounters between persons is enhanced by time. Time itself, however, is not what heals. It is changes. So if you are dealing with heartache or rejection, change something! Even if it is the color of your hair or walls. Change will help change your heart.

May destiny be kind to you.



10 Things I Learned About Love (From Romantic Comedies)

Now, I don’t want to say that I am an expert on love (not one bit) nor that I am an avid movie watcher (not that either) but I have seen a few in my life and they taught me a few things about love that I am going to recount to all of you here.

(Note: this is mainly satire.)

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor red rose

  1. You need to be attractive

Everyone in movies is attractive. If you want to be in the ballgame for love, you need to be a girl with big blue eyes and wavy blonde hair. As a man, tall dark and handsome is the way; with abs to boot.

  1. Girls need to be snobby

When a guy comes up with you and makes a joke, you need to be very snobby. It will cause them to do effort and make more jokes. You will need to say rude things to him and eventually agree to go on a date with him. Hollywood has shown that success is guaranteed.

  1. The men need to show up out of nowhere

Until that point of meeting her, you may have had a life, but no one cares about it until later. Just show up some day and do something unexpected, after which (as noted above) talk to a snobby girl and make funny remarks.

  1. Girls should study journalism

Girls, the key to landing a soulmate is to study journalism. Get a job at a newspaper in New York. Constantly ask your boss for bigger things. He’ll ask you to get ‘that one story’. You’ll meet your guy along the way and also land that promotion.

  1. Guys need to have an unexpected sensitive side

Contrary to what you might think, girls will dig it if you write poetry, sing her love songs in the middle of a rose garden, paint flowers or like to admire romantic artworks in a museum. You don’t need normal hobbies. Just do one of the above mentioned and you’re set for life.

  1. Overly exaggerated gestures are what everyone wants

No one has ever been made uncomfortable by big speeches about love and the sun and the moon. No one has ever rolled their eyes when an entire band showed up so the man could tell his love in song (because only the men need to make this move). Definitely buy her ten million flowers and send them to her work. She won’t feel overwhelmed at all.

  1. Make a huge mistake

Yes, I am advising you to make a huge mistake along the way; preferably while the other person has a large decision to make. Do they stay in New York or do they go to Los Angeles and get their dream job? What you need to do (guys especially) is do something stupid or make her misunderstand something that is very obvious. You can then get in a fight and you can chase after her. She’ll instantly forgive you and marry you in the next scene of your life.

  1. Marriage is the goal

After all the hard work, you can get married to that special someone. Even if you have only been dating two weeks. Just propose to her and she’ll accept. You can have a big fancy wedding (while everyone wonders how you can afford that) and celebrate your two month old love. That’s the only goal. Once you’re married you’ve achieved the ultimate goal. It’s what every person in life wants.

  1. Divorce won’t happen

If you follow all the other nine steps on the list, you won’t ever get divorced or be unhappy. All your troubles are gone and you will happily ever after. You found your soulmate, spent a few weeks dating and getting to know each other on the most shallow of levels and now you are married. The end

In my most sincere opinion, this is the most accurate image Hollywood has ever given us. Well done! Now excuse me while I go change my major to journalism…

30 Thoughts on Heartbreak

In the eyes of many, I am but a youngster. I am only 23. They’d think I have no knowledge of the world—and they are probably right. Yet I still wish to share some wisdom I gathered over my own years of interacting with humanity. Today I’d like to talk about heartbreak; not to be mistaken with the medical condition heartbreak syndrome. I mean the kind that one experiences after having loved and lost.

As someone who (thinks she) has experienced this, I’d like to share a few thoughts here with those who have hurt and still do.

  1. Accept that it hurts. Allow the emotions to affect you.
  2. Allow yourself to cry. It is not a sign of weakness. If it happens then let it.
  3. Let the people in that are there. They are the ones who care; they are your friends. Let them help you. They will prove to be invaluable.
  4. Know that it is okay to linger. You don’t need to be over this person immediately.
  5. Give up on obtaining a reason or an answer. None you will get will satisfy you; if you get any at all.
  6. Remember to hold off on doing things that you might regret.
  7. It will be a long time before you no longer think of that person at all times. It will happen some day, but it might not be soon.
  8. The dreams of this person will also fade some day.
  9. This also goes for the thought of picturing him or her in your future.
  10. Listen to sad songs and allow them to affect you if they do.
  11. Just because this person doesn’t love you does not mean no one ever will.
  12. Wine is okay but don’t overdo it multiple nights.
  13. Drink with company and confide in them if you decide to drink.
  14. When you see them with a new significant other, you are allowed to be upset or mad but do not hate the new person. They are not to blame.
  15. Remember that every hurt is a lesson to be learned from and to grow from.
  16. Social media should not turn into your diary. You’ll regret posting all your feelings on it.
  17. A physical diary is however a good idea. Keep one if you wish and write all your thoughts and emotions in it; no matter how jumbled and random they are. Expressing yourself is a great remedy.
  18. There will be sleepless nights. They will be lonely. They will be harsh and cold. Remember that the sun always returns after the night. So too will light come back to your life.
  19. Wallowing is okay.
  20. The best remedy will always be time. It is not an instant remedy of course but it will definitely heal you eventually.
  21. Rebounds don’t work. Maybe for the first month they will help you forget the hurt but eventually your wounds are bound to open and cause more chaos than before you found your rebound. It’s better to wait and see what the future brings than seeking out a human medicine.
  22. The only one who can complete you is you. No other person can do this.
  23. Even though you’d likely rather be lazy and hide under your blankets, try to do something to grow. Read or do something else that helps your mind. It’s not only a pleasant distraction but it’s a way to spend your time.
  24. If you feel you were the one that loved more, know that that too is okay.
  25. It is okay to never want to speak to that person again. If they want to be friends and you don’t, then don’t. Let them go.
  26. A day will come when you no longer wish for their company. Allow such thoughts to overwhelm you. Enjoy them.
  27. Physical activities will help let go of stress and tension. Exercise, go for walks, run a distance, take the bike somewhere but just do something when you feel your body becoming extremely tense.
  28. Know that you are not the only person who had their heart broken. Many people on this planet experienced it and made it through. You can do the same.
  29. Know that someone better will come along some day. This person will outshine the person that hurt you in so many ways that you will be shocked to know that it was even possible.
  30. Finally; know that you are a strong, unique person that deserves to be loved. You will grow and be stronger. You will find someone better and you will grow with confidence and happiness in ways that the previous person would not have been able to give you. Perhaps they might even dare to look upon you one day and realize they made the biggest mistake of their life. They probably did.

I wish endless strength to those who are dealing with an aching heart at the moment. May destiny be kind to you all.

All The Romantic Things I’ve Done

No, this isn’t going to be a list about how I listened, how I let him be himself or how I supported him. I did those things in my own special way every time, of course. Here’s a list of things that are more up my alley and a bit more personal, I think.

  • This painting: I made the painting posted here. It’s the Eiffeltower with two people in front of it being affectionate. I boxed it up and sent it across the seas as a surprise gift. The person it was for and I wanted to go see the Eiffeltower at night to enjoy the lights. We never got to do so.
  • Wrote a love letter: I don’t mean a kindergarten crush that I worte a letter for. No, this one was a bit more ‘legit’, as the kids would say. I cut out small flowers and leaves. I put two on the bottom right corner of a blank page and used my printer to copy as many versions as I needed. I wrote what I wanted to say in a document first. I placed the pages with the flower over lined paper so I could write everything neatly on the lines, too. I folded up the pages, put them in an envelop, put a world stamp on it and sent it off with the mail along with my hopes. It was one of those ‘I-miss-you’ letters.
  • Poetry: I’m sure I’m not the only person who tries their hand at poetry now and then. Let’s be honest, love is inspiring. I wrote a good few poems. I haven’t done it in the past four or so years however.
  • Composing: My guitar is always my second love and at times my first if there is no significant other. I am also fond of singing. I learned a good few chords and got into the habit of writing songs when I was 16. This habit never really ended unlike poetry. Of course, sometimes I am feeling more inspired than others. Sometimes I can write multiple songs at the same time while other times I go months without any new works. I’ve written love songs of different kinds. There are the ‘hey-I-like-you-so-lets-give-it-a-shot’ songs. There are those themed ‘I’m-so-happy-to-be-with-you’ and of course the ‘I-miss-you-for-some-reason’ songs.
  • Decorated picture frame: I took out my paints and colored a wooden picture frame. I made it all red and orange and yellow; very warm colors. I realize now that I could’ve put a nice picture of myself in it, too.
  • Drew characters from a story I let him read: It’s no secret that I am someone who likes to write. First I sent a printed version of a short novel I wrote. Later I sent a picture of two important characters form it that I drew. This is probably not too meaningful to most but to me it felt nice to do it since he said he really enjoyed the story.

There’s also a few things I still want to do some day. One of them would be leaving notes around; sticky notes with small messages for the person to find. I also want to prepare dinner for if he’s coming home late and I can’t be there with a note of how long he should put it in the oven for or such. It’s all about the little things, no?

I’ve also been waiting for the opportunity to use an idea that has been lingering for a while now. It’s a combination of a coupon book and the Christmas advent calendar. I think it is especially fun for long distance couples who don’t get a lot of time together. Here’s how it works.

Step 1: Create a nice picture either on cardboard or a canvas. This can be a drawing, a painting or a blown-up picture.

Step 2: Find sticky notes or other small paper and make an estimate of how many you would need to cover the entire thing in a neat fashion. Sticky notes would be especially easy so you can put them on and remove them later.

Step 3: Say you’d need 48 squares of paper/notes. You come up with 48 things. These things can be little messages or even activities you can do. You could offer an amusement park day or a home-cooked meal or even watching their favorite show together. Put anything on it you want. You can use the internet for this.

Step 4: Now take your papers. Write the message or activity on one side. On the other you can put something decorative. When using sticky notes, write the text on the side of the note that has the ‘sticky stuff’ on it.

Step 5: Next you place all the cards onto your board/canvas. Sticky notes make it especially easy to do this because you can easily put them on. Place the cards text down. For non-sticking cards you can use a small piece of tape and attack the paper for a small portion. They need to be attached in a way that they can be easily removed without bringing harm to the image below.

Step 6: The final step is to execute the board. Allow your partner to pick off cards either a few times a day or once a day. This can be up to you entirely. If you want to fill a few months, you can do daily. If you only have a few weeks, you can do this multiple times a day. It’s also possible to take turns removing the cards. Do the activity mentioned or plan it. Read message cards to them. When you finish off the last cards, what remains will be the image underneath all the previously placed cards. This can be given as a present at the end.

I am not seriously hoping for a chance to find someone who I want to do this for. I wouldn’t object to finding someone like that but time will tell.


My ‘Type’

Love is a fickle thing. If you loved someone before but no longer feel for them now, was it really love? Questions like that keep me occupied often. I’d like to think that, at the time, yes, you did love them. But feelings change, situations change and people change. That’s why friendships and relationships end.

That probably also explains why I don’t have a ‘type’, as they say. A friend of mine concluded I have a thing for dark hair. I don’t know if that’s true. I never really gave it much thought. I focus more on the person behind the whatever-color-or-no-hair there is. I’ve had quite a few different ones. Let me give you a brief recap now! (And hopefully I won’t get stalked and yelled at by an ex, oops).

Also, some people fall into multiple ‘categories’.

  1. The ‘weeaboo’

A ‘weeaboo’ is a term created by the internet. It’s (more negative) definition is a Japanese wannabe; someone who is interested in the culture of Japan. They are often people who are into anime/manga, Japanese games, technology and so on. Their reputation isn’t always positive. I know plenty of people (myself included) who feel insulted when they are called a weeaboo. Of course the Japanese culture is unique and that intrigues me but I’m not as busy with learning about it as other people are. Besides, my interest in their culture is equal as my interest is in other places. This is simply because I like to learn about different ones.

  1. The gamer

The gamer is pretty self-explanatory; someone who enjoys playing video games. This person can be competitive because of the games but there are exceptions, of course (like myself). There were several of these in my life, but video games are pretty common nowadays. Nearly everyone plays them nowadays. The judgement about being a gamer has vanished, which is a good thing. Games are a lot more accessible to new and more casual gamers, rather than only to the hardcore gamers.

  1. The writer

This one was a wizard with words even more than I am! I was always amazed at what he could create. Yes, I admit, there was indeed some envy of his skills. I hope I learned a bit from being around him. Though, as many writers are, he too was an introvert. He wasn’t always too open with me about things he thought or felt, even though he had words a plenty to define them. Nowadays looking back though, I see that having words isn’t always the answer. I have trouble with it too nowadays.

  1. The passionate

This one had blazing red passion. He’d write poems consisting of various pages for me (and I’d do the same, of course). He was also fond of riddles so we often came up with those too and sent them to each other to start the day off right. This one showed me a unique kind of love that I haven’t seen equaled ever since.

  1. The charmer

Eyes like tropical oceans, hair soft as silk and a smile warm enough to melt the polar icecaps. This one was the charmer. He knew exactly how to wrap his fingers around your heart, even without your own knowing. Often times I wonder if he himself was aware of how silky smooth his behavior was… I think some people are naturally charismatic. They don’t always realize this. It’s just something about them that makes people flock to them. In many American movies or shows, these people are often referred to as ‘the popular kids’.

  1. The practical

This down-to-earth and practical person created a perfect balance for my random outbursts and impulsive personality. He was mellow at all times. We supported each other with an attitude of, “Keep it simple.” and we did. We kept our love life simple and life in general simple. Why make it hard? It was a very pleasant kind of love. It wasn’t wild and passionate. It was the kind that would make you want to settle down with them.

  1. The puppy

This title involves the idea that puppies follow their masters around and are dependent on them as leaders of their pack. This one was just like that. He was keen on pronouncing, “I love you” every five minutes. Very sweet and charming person but that statement will get stale after a while if used that excessively.

  1. The player

Yes, I too made mistakes… Or rather, I made bad decisions that ended up teaching me a lot. This was one of them; the player who hurt me and also hurt the heart of another girl. There were misunderstandings and I yelled at her. Few weeks later, we realized how he had messed with us both and nowadays we are very close friends. Who had seen that coming? Funny how things can go.

  1. The investigator

There is always that one person in the bunch who wants to know everything; from the color of your favorite socks to the number of stairs in your house. This one was like that. He was out to obtain all the facts about me. He was very careful about it, too; keeping mental notes on a lot of things. It didn’t take him long to notice from my voice how I was feeling, simply because he had been observing carefully. Not at all a bad trait, I’d say.

  1. The jock

Oh yes, the jock. I’ve had one of these too. He was aware of being the jock, too. He often referred to himself as ‘the dumb jock’. But it worked out just fine. He could be the dumb jock and I’d be the smart nerd. The best part about that would be that Hollywood directors of cliché movies about high schools would rage because that couldn’t happen in real life; only in movies. But no, we made it happen. Sorry.

  1. The feline

The internet also has this other thing called ‘lolcats’. It refers to people who really love cats and they will insist on convincing people to think that they too are cats. Thus, this one is a feline. His dedication to cats is quite high. I’ve had a discussion with him where I insisted I’d hug a ragamuffin for eternity until we’d die of starvation. His response was, “No, don’t let the kitty die!” After one full second, I realized he seemed more concerned about the cat than me. Yeah… He’s always been very sweet though; quite a rare gem among the bunch.

  1. The communicator

This is probably a vague title for someone. I felt that ‘the sensitive one’ or ‘the onion peeler’ would defy the trend I have going on here; two words per title. Nevertheless, last but not least we have this one. I picked this title to express how well he always communicated with him. Not only did he let me know what he was up to but he was also very open about his feelings towards me. That last part was something that always warmed my heart up, even in the middle of winter.

  1. The mystery

This spot is still unoccupied. Perhaps there will be someone in the future who will take this one and change the title to something else. I’ll wait and see what happens in life.