Standstill

This weekend I will be spending within the confines of my home and my schoolbooks. Starting Monday I will have another test week; the third one I experience at this course and this school. This module I had the usual language courses (English and Spanish) as well as bookkeeping, marketing and research. The latter was only a report. The first two both have exams and the middle one also had a report connected to it.

I worked together with a very kind girl from another class this time. We had another teammate but he quit halfway through so we were left with just the two of us. We finished our projects approximately a week before the deadline (today, 7th of April). On that note, we’ve been performing well however our grades remain to be seen.

So far, I have already received two grades this module. The first was for the listening part of my Spanish course. I scored 14/20. This is a good start, I’d say. The second grade is an A+ on English Business Communication. An actual grade by number is still unknown but my teacher said it was at least a 9 and I dearly hope it is a bit higher than that. On the written test coming up, I hope to earn another 9 so that would create a grand average for that subject.

I’m willing to say one thing about this course though. Besides the fact that it is extremely amusing and my knowledge has been greatly expanded, I have never worked this hard in my life… I notice that I need extremely large amounts of sleep. I have had multiple instances of oversleeping. I have had evenings that I laid down and my ‘good eye’ felt painful and irritated, which made it even harder to fall asleep. I plan to speak to a study counselor about the situation because it could harm my performance.

A good friend of mine admitted she thinks I work ‘too’ hard. She recognized the effects that it has might be an accurate representation of putting in too much effort. It’s upsetting to think I can’t do this at the same pace as ‘normal’ people can. I recognize that this is truly a path towards my dream so I am very determined to succeeding. Therefore it is troubling to think I might need to slow down. Even if it is the best step, I will find it hard to accept.

Slowing down would mean holding back on the pace I set towards my dreams. I have already looked at the specialization I want to take in my third year (International Sustainability Management) and that I wish to find an internship in Scandinavia; preferably Sweden or Norway. What exactly that internship will entail, I have not planned yet. I wish to speak to a teacher focused on organizing the internships to see what the school offers.

But sometimes, stopping and standing still can actually be the best way to go on, as contradictory as that may sound. I see that too. I have been someone to often advise friends to take a break so they can go on stronger afterwards. Now I might have to face the consequences of my own advice.

Regardless of what might happen, I hope that I will still be able to complete the course and that the people in my life will continue to support me, even if I cannot perform at a ‘normal’ pace. I plan to make these people proud, some day.

What exactly my aim was of this piece, I am not sure myself. I just wish to share what my life has been concerned with and the what wisdom that gave me. There is also the excuse that I do not write often enough anymore. I am trying to get back into it but that too, is at a standstill. Let us hope we make leaps and bounds on all of my paths soon.

May destiny be kind to you.